My heart was feeling rather heavy today, and I wasn’t sure why. I had a great therapy session yesterday, but then I remembered that I am constantly surrounded by pressure to be this, that, and the other thing. I began to get flashbacks of dialogues from triggering situations. I then remembered that I am only human, I’m 25 years old, and I’m my own person.
I was watching a tarot/oracle reading by Vanessa Somuayina on YouTube, and in my personalized reading she mentioned that I (or anyone watching that particular reading) all start out as novices at something. I was a novice at blogging and now I have 1,592 followers as of an almost-five-year period. A lot of people didn’t understand my need to create content so much or to publicize my life on social media. It’s a way of getting people to relate to my content. My goal is to make social media my full-time job; judge me, I dare you.
Likewise, I am a novice at adulting. Anyone in their twenties is! I’m constantly learning about myself, the world, the people living in it. I am no “sexual anthropologist” like Carrie Bradshaw calls herself in the very first episode. I’m more so of an “anthropologist at life (?)” Call it what you want. But I know what I want and live for. What I live for is creating content that hopefully helps college students, and adults alike.
As of today, I officially own my power, as if I didn’t already. You, too, will learn not to question your work ethic. Your work ethic is superb, no matter what outside forces say. Are they even ostensible “forces”? They’re more like commentaries from the peanut gallery or that idiot in your DM requests trying to tell you some BS (and believe me, I get those A LOT).
However, I am beginning to notice in whatever is I do/create, my worth is not based on followers, “likes,” or what people think about me. Don’t get me wrong, I love you all. But my energy will never be destroyed nor will I lose sleep over a bad review. Energy can’t be destroyed, in general. I’m no expert in physics, but I know that energy is always being turned into something else. For example, I can get tired sometimes to borderline exhaustion. But I channel that exhaustion to something productive, e.g. blogging or journaling. In fact, journaling is how I get my best ideas for posts.
Next time you feel pressured by society, family, or your own mind, just remember to be patient with yourself. Being a novice at something doesn’t determine your worth. It just matters that you’re doing the best you can. Create something with that energy of yours, it’s only gaining momentum.