Burnt Out

I know, you’re thinking “it’s only week four (five now) of classes. How could you be burnt out?”

As I was typing the words, “burnt out” in the title, I looked at it and said, “has it really gotten to this point?”

As I sit in the atrium next to the Starbucks on campus, I am busy submitting poems to potential magazines and thinking about what to do next. Do I get lunch? No, not quite yet. Do I submit more poems for consideration? No, wait till you generate some more. Do I do work? Yes, April, you should OR you could write another blog post.

I wrote a blog post a while ago called Fitness, Fashion, and Time Management. Maybe this is just me, but I think that my time management is more up-to-par in the second semester. I’m sitting here yawning my like no other (mostly because I woke up at 6:30 to get ready for my 8 a.m. Management class.) I want to yawn some more just saying, “I have an 8 a.m. class Monday, Wednesday, Friday.” Yup, there I go again.

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Anyway, I’m not here to talk about how tired I am (constantly), I’m here to talk more about time management so your head can stay clear.

My morning routines (particularly Monday, Wednesday, Friday), I wake up at an ungodly hour, get dressed, get my usual venti-iced-white-mocha at the campus Starbucks and go to class. Since I commute to campus, I usually go home a half hour after my class. But today, I’ve decided to stay the entire day to catch up on work.

While I don’t have a set to-do list, I do have a consistent plan to get sh*t done. That means having a killer attitude even when you’re absolutely cranky. A constant theme I’ve noticed in the podcasts I listen to is the idea of “faking it till you make it.” To me, what that means, is faking it until it becomes reality. Last Thursday, I was so cranky and burnt out that I refused to take a joke or even smile. But then my mom, oddly enough, made me laugh about a Nacho Mama’s delivery car or something. (Nacho Mama’s is a Mexican place in Bristol). And I actually smiled!

But as I write this portion two weeks later, I have my sh*t together, and I even completed my first exam of the semester! (Pray for me, it was Management). Another thing: I started dancing again, and I completely forgot how much I loved it. Being a part of a team/club (or two, or three) really gives you balance, plus you discover what you’re truly passionate about. Don’t get me wrong, I love writing. But dance has been my first love since I was three years old. (Thanks KD for persuading me to come to dance last Wednesday.)

That goes back to my theory about balance. Balance is a necessity of life, and even if you think you’re so busy, you actually can make time for your friends and the things you love. My friends and my mom keep telling me, “you need a hobby outside of writing.” I think I found it ☻

 

There’s Gotta Be More To Life: A Prelude

Do you ever get tired of same old routines? Do you ever find yourself wondering, “what’s more to this life that I’m living?” Lately, that’s all I’ve been thinking about.

There’s a lot going on in my life right now, this is just a prelude to big news yet to come. I’ve been tired, exhausted even. This exhaustion is a product of intense sadness. I’m tired of everything at this point, so instead of sleeping 9+ hours a day, I’m doing something about it.

In the words of one hit wonder, Stacie Orrico, “I’m chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me.” I’m always chasing that something I think is going to make me happy. It’s like I learned in my philosophy class, some things are only temporary. It’s like buying Adidas shoes and a Starbucks coffee. Well honey, money can’t buy you happiness.

I spent quite some time talking to one of my good friends about finding faith. I’ve come to the conclusion that if I want faith, I have to go and find it for myself. The same thing is true for that one (or a few) missing thing(s) in my life. I think that certain something is a dream of mine. Lately, I’ve just been praying to God to get me to New York, or some city! Watching The Carrie Diaries, definitely put some things in perspective for me in terms of going after what I want. At this point, all I want to do is write and read poetry.

Getting things off your chest is one way to know what you want. I’ll say this again, I’m tired. All the time. I’m tired of settling for something just because it’s all what’s available to me. I want to have more control over my life. I want to have control over the classes I take, my future, and the degree(s) that I covet — just to name a few.

Well, I’m sorry if this is shorter than what you had expected. There’s just so much going on in my life right now that I can’t disclose it all at once. Again, this is just a prelude to what I’m going to say after I finally have control and a new outlook on life.

Ta-ta for now!

April